Losing My Mind

I made the decision to get off the narcotics, at least for a little bit. I can't function in the world any longer and I keep falling out of my life.

Its funny, one of those things they don't tell you, and I think they should. I think it should go something like this.
Dr- " So in addition to not being able to think, because we will have you so out of it some days, when the pain is bad, you may suffer from muscle spasms, frustration, sleeping problems, and you may drop out of your life for a few days."
 Me-" What do you mean drop out of my life? Life isn't like school, you can't just take days off."
Dr- " Well there will be days where you will be absent, you won't be dead, just out of the universe so to speak."
Me- " I don't understand"
Dr- "You will, when it happens, you will"

See then when those days came when you found yourself laying in bed, and it seems like you had been there for years, and it was pretty close to true, you wouldn't be surprised. The worst is when people ask you the stupid question, " So haven't see you in like a month, have you been in pain?" "No, been smoking a little crack and hiding under the couch, waiting for the zombie apocalypse." because I have a chronic pain condition and it randomly just stops bothering me and I start doing dumb things...

I need a life, and I am going to try a new scs, and then I am going to get a real life, where my brain works, and I don't stay awake all night. Where my math brain works, and my college life works again.

So in the meantime, I am losing my mind, as the drugs wear off, and I wish for a better life...