The things they forgot to tell me

I have mono, the kissing disease, got it without a single kiss.
  When I got CRPS, they told me about all the issues I would deal with, and I have dealt with most of them, the depression, the ongoing pain, the stress, the anger. What they didn't tell me was that when I quit smoking, and ended up with COPD to go with my CRPS, I would end up taking lots of drugs, and the two issues together would eventually cause my immune system to decrease.
  This means what shouldn't affect me much, turns me into a walking zombie. I have slept off and on for the last 2 weeks, which means all the fun I should be having is gone, because I sleep. My spleen is enlarged and because I have to keep taking all my medications, I have to watch for issues with my liver.
  And all I want to do is just get up and go to work, but how will I find a job, who will hire me?
I want to feel better, I want to go places, and enjoy my life again, and now instead of having fun, and traveling, and having a great time with my family, I am sitting at home, and now I can't even have friends and family cause I have Mono. Life is great when you are in chronic pain and wishing for your past...

Disability and RSD

I filed for Social Security 4 years ago, I was told I wasn't eligible. I tried going back to work, and I worked 6 months and I was in such great pain at the end of 6 months. I was in so much pain, I spent the next 6 months in pain so bad, I couldn't get out of bed. I knew I couldn't work, and then I realized they were wrong when they told me I could work. So I refiled, and started to wait, and after 3 years I finally got the notice that I was eligible for disability.
What I have learned along the way is sometimes its not about the disability, its about age, and how it affects your living ability. I can't work every day, I would love to but I can't. I have three types of days, one is the a good day, on a good day, I get up, go out and I have a life, on a bad day, I stay in bed, crying and sleeping. So how do you explain that to someone. I learned the its about how it affects your life. I learned its important for my doctor to note how it affects my life, my ability to work, to take care of myself.
I also learned its harder to get social security if you are between the ages of 19 and 55. This is because you should be able to find something to do, but because I have to take a lot of medications, I can't always function. I am very happy that my family has put up with all the pain I have lived with, and done with out so many things and while this won't get them all the way back to where we were, it will definately help them from losing their home, and all they gave up to watch me suffer through the last 4 years.
How can RSD be such a horrible thing, to destroy so much of my life. I want to have a normal life for my family, and maybe this will help.

Too Little too late, too much too soon

I have been a medication trials, this one with that one, the other one with something else, I can't remember the day or the time. I lost a little bit of me, but I am finding my way back, what a slow process it is t find your self a way home. It scares me. I know there are a dozen of insane ways to be able to do this and do it better but the days when it is bad,  just chop it off.
  I got sick, not a reason in the world, and spent two weeks in bed. Now I am struggling to catch up to where I need to be cause I fell so far behind. I need just a little sanity...

Slowly coming back to reality..and it still hurts