I won't be awake in the morning, I had plans you know, I was doing something. I have had 4 wonderful months, yes a new drug regime, followed by nerve blocks when the pain gets icky, but it was working. now 3 days of OMG let me die, and here I sit at 2 am in pain, typing hoping to sleep soon...
Have you ever noticed the greater the hope, the greater the drop. They don't tell you when you live in a world surrounded by pain, that hope is the enemy. They tell you to keep your spirits up, and to dream, but dreams are for the people who get a future. Hope is for someone who will eventually get to have a real life. A real job. I don't see either of those things in my future.
If I believed in a better world, then I would keep hoping modern medicine would find a cure for this, but there are always doctors who find it easier to blow off your pain, tell you it is all in your mind. It can't be that you are in pain, because they can't fix you, and these doctors "god complex" is so deep they cannot believe there is something they can't fix. So it mus be that you are lying.
So raise your glass to the doctors whose fantasies keep us in pain...
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