Today I went to the pain clinic. I was wondering what was the next step, what do we try next, where is the next stop on the pain train. I wanted to know, but I was not finding out the answers I wanted. I talked to the doctor, and she said she did not know what the next step was. She was going to talk to Dr Ficks, and yes it is pronounced Fix. She said she just didn't know. The problem we have run against is that we have consistently tried everything, and it has not worked.
I do not believe I am the person who will live on pain medication for years and years. I want to believe I will wake up one day, and there will be an answer and the pain will be gone. I know magical thinking is not what is going to happen, but I still want to believe it will get better.
I want to wake up and go to work, I want my life back. I want to go to the gym on a daily basis and not stress that today, I will not be able to run the race.
I will not quit, these days will not beat me into a puddle of mudd. I won't allow the world to win. I will fight through those moments of black. I will make it a better day.
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